I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you would pick up someone in the library
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
