I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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