my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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