woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
