Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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