please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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