There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
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In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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