just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
