When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
