Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
try to milk me bitch
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