there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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