i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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