i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
