the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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