Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
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I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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