shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
