i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
What a dumb baby whore.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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