I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I want her autograph on my taint
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
