He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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