i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
