Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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