So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
