Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
