My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
