remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
last night I used snow as a chaser
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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