Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
