its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
