People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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