You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
