You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
