You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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