ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
