does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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