I CAN MOONWALK!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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