she was so not down for the gang bang
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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