Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
