and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
