Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
