the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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