Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
