I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
