All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
