Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
