I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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