Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
