You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
