I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
