tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
