You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
This house was built for laser tag.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
