I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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