like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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