I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
