I wish I only lived at night.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
