This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
