1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
