party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't deserve a penis
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
