Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
