I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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