I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
