Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You took a bar mat shot.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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