you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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