last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
