let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
