there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
