he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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