Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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