yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
