he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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