we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
