Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize