I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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