is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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