i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
