I think my fart just growled at me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
