And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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