And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
