You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
